This is not my ceiling
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?