mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.