He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
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I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.