he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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