I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
