I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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