her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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