there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
