I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
