saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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