Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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