I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
