Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
