I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"