I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.