Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
