Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
