I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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