She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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