wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
