Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
