By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
