sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
