he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
