The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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