You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
