mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
