You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
