So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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