The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
