My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize