when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
