I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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