we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
