I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
