The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
