3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
