wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
