oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
