YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
