she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
