That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize