When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
