Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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