her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
