I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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