it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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