I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
