I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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