so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize