"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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