hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
