my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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