your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
