He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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