He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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