there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
