Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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