You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
