I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
