I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Never let your siblings swipe right.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
