My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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