Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
