Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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