I can text with my tongue
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
