I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
