I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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