throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
