I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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