The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
