i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
