sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
