That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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