Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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